There are Those Who Can’t Be Trusted

You know, there are some things, and some people, that cannot be trusted.

There are the kind of people who hear a secret, then can’t wait to run and tell that.

Run and Tell That Homeboy.

Homeboy.

There are the kind of people who go around stealing other people’s significant others or who go do horrible, bad, unspeakable things to #bilc member Ed Sheeran… when they’re on the SAME. FREAKING. HOTEL. FLOOR. Yep, getting all indignant on his behalf.

So, what am I getting at here? There are people who you cannot trust. These people, even though you think of the best of them, will let you know, will fall beneath your expectations, will do the unspeakable.

I am that person.

I am that person who cannot be trusted.

I am that person who cannot be trusted to be left alone with a jar of Cookie Butter.

For anyone who lives in South Texas, but under a rock or something, you should know that H-E-B now has their own brand of cookie butter. And it is too delightful.

(Photo cred: HEB Twitter account)

So, as you might expect, I bought some. And, as the intro to this post should have spoiler-ed you… I fell prey to its tastiness and showed zero restraint. And by showed zero restraint, I mean that I dug into the container with a spoon and with the kind of enthusiasm typically shown by fence-escaping beagles, archaeologists and anyone who has ever encountered a fresh tub of Nutella.

It was a blood bath, peeps. Or, to be more exact and picturesquely disgusting and grotesque, a butter bath.

Abby AKA Halla, who is living here now (more on this later) asked about the cookie butter, because I foolishly mentioned its deliciousness to her (note to self: if you like something, tell NO ONE) and she couldn’t find it in the pantry.

“Oh, it’s in there,” I said, before going back to playing with the baby.

Several hours pass. She asks about it again. I have to go to the pantry and point out its clearly visible location (behind several rolls of Saran Wrap, a loaf of bread, a bag of super-healthy and therefore of course unconsumed flax seeds, and some Kettle Chips) and explain, shamefacedly, why there’s about half a jar already gone (note to self: hide snacks better).

At this point, peeps, I should mention that, even for a breastfeeding mom, eating half a jar of a buttery spread is frowned upon. And should be stopped. Keyword – should.

So, what am I to do? Obviously, exerting self-control and eating it in moderation – perhaps with an apple or some other healthy nonsense – is out of the question. Don’t be ridiculous. I have determined the only way to deal with it is full-on shunning: The cookie butter shall be buried under a mantle of oblivion (read: trash) in the deepest darkest depths of obscurity (read: the recycle bin in the garage). And then, maybe, we will be safe and can begin to rebuild that circle of tastiness-related trust.

Or, maybe, like Miranda, someone might have to take matters into their own hands and check me in to the Betty Crocker clinic.

When she turned the conversation into a story about how she ate garbage cake:

(Image: Buzzfeed)

We Have Reached a Pivotal Point Here

As of today, it is officially a discouraging and multi-step process to put on socks and boots.

I feel for the people who are nine months pregnant in a Texas summer heat wave, but can’t help thinking that just slipping on flip flops sounds pretty good right now

However, counting blessings –
Just a couple of weeks to go and it’s not arctic-level cold outside. Slip-on flats could well be a possibility this weekend again!

Getting Carded

I know that getting carded is, apparently, one of the great ironies of life. You get carded when you’re young and don’t want to be. Old ladies simple and giggle when young waiters card them (aka flatter them with lies to get a bigger tip).

But seriously, wouldn’t you think the grocery store checker could maybe – you know – not check ID for a person who is eight months pregnant? It’s pretty obvious, I hope, at this point that I’m not buying a six-pack of beer for myself. Apparently not at HEB though…. And apparently the HEB checkers would be fine with me downing a few bottles of ale and giving my fetus fins and gills, just as long as I make sure I’m over 21 while doing it. Sheesh.

Airport Window Shopping

One of my favorite things about waiting in an airport (that already sounds paradoxical, doesn’t it?) is the bookshop window shopping.

Obviously, I’m way too cheap stingy frugal to ever buy a book. After all, that’s why libraries and friends were invented. And, yeah, if we are friends that have ever discussed books, there’s a high probability that some marvelous literary work you lent me is still in my possession years later (sorry, Kim, I know you REALLY want the wonder that is South of Broad back).

Anyway, that was a digression. So, when I go to an airport bookstore, I walk around like a slightly deranged person and take pictures of the covers of all the books I want to read so I’ll remember them later and find a free way to get my hands on them.

Here’s the latest and greatest list of things I saw at the airport this summer:

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I really liked The Tipping Point, and I’ve heard good things about this book… it’s about how being the underdog can actually be an advantage. Very interested. On the “to read” list.

20140625-134710-49630380.jpg Because what’s NOT to like about a book described as a “substantive beach read” about two women whose dreams are challenged by society and familial expectations? Check.

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Oh, Bridget Jones. As much as I love your movie (the first one, not the second one), I really don’t think you needed another book. And really, Mark Darcy aka Collin Firth aka sweatery British super-movie-love interest really makes the movie. And that fight scene in the street. Probably won’t read this one, but felt like there should be a public service announcement that Bridget’s back and in Mum-mode.

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MOST Jane Austen adaptations leave me lukewarm, but the ones that I do like have the Austen-y characters in the periphery and introduce you to a new cast in a familiar setting (Elizabeth Aston’s books are my favorite Austen redactions – is that the right word?). This one is about the life of a servant in the P&P household, so it might be promising.

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This isn’t a new book at all, so I would be interested to hear if anyone else has read it. “The Twelve Tribes of Hattie” keeps popping up in my library “recommended” queue. Since it’s available for download immediately, I’ll probably check it out. After all, the sticker says Oprah recommended it. ;)

20140625-134711-49631808.jpg Heard about this one on NPR. The bad thing about hearing about books on NPR is that I’m typically in the car, and I forget about whatever I heard by the time I get to work or home (unless it’s the story about the woman with dozens of pet rats who, among other things, meet her at the door like a dog when she returns home and clean her teeth while she watches TV. Yes, you read that correctly. She allows a rat to reach its talons into her mouth and CLEAN. HER. TEETH. Vile.)

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Does the cover of this book not just look awesome and creepy? I imagine whoever was married to EAP must have been a pretty strange lady, and you know what they say…. truth is stranger than fiction (although, come to think of it, typically not stranger than Poe’s fiction…. hearts thumpings and casks of amontillado and all that).

20140625-134713-49633678.jpg We finally get to another non-fiction book on the list. I really like these kinds of memoir/experience/whatever the genre’s called books… honestly, because I think they’re a writer’s dream. Who DOESN’T want to go do something amazing and write it all down and get famous? That’s hitting on all the literary cylinders.

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Last but not least, I feel like I’ve heard a lot of things that are at odds with old Ben Franklin’s kindly, bespectacled kite-flying persona, like his raging syphillis and, apparently, his common law wife and bastard child.

Okay, if you’re still reading – I want to know if you’ve read any of these books, how you liked them and what else you recommend. Anything good on your reading list?

Mighty Morphin’ Football Coaches

Please, please, please just watch this commercial. 

I don’t know when I’ve literally stopped what I was doing and had to sit down from laughing so hard at a commercial, especially one from my favorite football conference. 

Now, after you get done admiring the smouldering attractiveness of Art Briles, greatest football coach in the history of the world, living legend, etc., etc., and so forth, please note the best morphing action since everyone had to drink the Polyjuice Potion in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. 

0:17 seconds is the place you want to note. The production crew had to have done this on purpose to make the most startling contrast possible, and it’s excellent. Coach Gosling has apparently grown up into a plumply, full-grown goose. 

I also like that they decided to go from new Texas coach Charlie Strong to Mike Gundy, since maybe they thought it was a good idea to morph from Texas’ first African-American coach to the first (and hopefully only) Big 12 coach with a skin tone that rivals an Oompa Loompa. 

It’s good stuff. And now, back to the opening of college football weekend.

The Tennis Struggle

Today before heading to the tennis
court…

Me: “I wish I knew someone just a little bit better than me that I could practice with.”

Will: “Like me… Sitting in a chair?”

Ouch.

Oh well, I’m thankful that he humors me and lets me slowly improve. :) But if there’s anyone out there who can match the on-court prowess of Will one-handed in a chair, hit me up and let’s play!

Book Club with Celebs (Namely Ekpe Udoh @ekpeudoh )

So, while many of you were enjoying normal meh-type weekends rife with yardwork and cabinet-organizing and things of that nature, the Tates were, of course, busy doing awesome things. (This is actually in direct opposition to some of our usual weekends, which include thrilling activities like getting diplomas custom-framed and taking BOTH vehicles to the car wash. Yeah, that’s right – we live on the edge.)

This past weekend, we spent the day at the coolest, most amazing book club meeting in the history of the world. Ekpe Udoh, former Baylor superstar, NBA lottery pick and current Milwaukee Bucks big man, invited our whole Twitter book club to a meet-up in Dallas. Can you imagine – knowing me – the elation this event caused? Bringing together Baylor, basketball, Twitter and reading is a sure fire success in my book.

And, Ekpe was the consummate host. He treated us to lunch and dinner, took us on an educational outing, made us bond through an intense Fault in Our Stars sobfest and was all-around amazing. I really can’t imagine many people putting this much time and effort into arranging a celebration like this for their dear family members/friends. Ekpe is the kind of person who was willing to put this event together – and to bring together a couple dozen people he knew only through social media – and to be extremely generous with us and exceedingly thoughtful in the planning and execution processes.

When Ekpe was at Baylor, I remember reading about how he pushed his teammates to do more, to excel and to strive for excellence. I remember an article about how he added running as a team to their workouts, giving everyone extra incentive and motivation. That unforgettable season, which included an Ekpe triple-double, a buzzer-beating hook shot against Hartford and an Elite Eight run, solidly cemented me as a fan of Ekpe Udoh the basketball player. This past weekend made me an even bigger fan of Ekpe Udoh the person.

If you have a chance, watch for upcoming book club sign-ups on Ekpe’s Twitter account, or just jump into the conversation. It’s fun, thought-provoking and worth your while.

Also, while most of this post is about Ekpe, I have to give a bit of a shout-out to my fellow book club members. Who would have thought you could bring a group of people together from across the US and have them click together pretty much instantaneously? After the obligatory couple of minutes of eighth-grade dance wall-holding-up, we were all chatting away like lifelong friends. Special shout-outs to Brandon and Kelsey, the nicest and most down-to-earth brother-sister duo, Kristen, my fellow PR-ista (of whom I have total job envy – sports PR!), Elle, tearful reading-and-bonding partner, and Jan, fellow Baylor Bear, resident book club teacher’s pet and sharer of deep thoughts. I would keep going but there were too many amazing people there to list every single one. I can only hope everyone keeps reading so we can get together again!

So, what has your book club done for
you lately? If you’re not reading about Hazel and Augustus, crying, toasting champagne and loving life, you may want to reconsider and sign up for Ekpe’s Book Club ASAP!

Thanks again, Ekpe, for an amazing weekend!

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Baylor family represented well in the club!